It's the first day of May
and I feel like an actual fucking flower
At least I think this is how a flower feels? I shouldn’t project. But this weekend was as perfect as a weekend could be while still having Being Human part of said weekend. I saw A Place Among the Dead again, which changed my life the first time I saw it — I told you about that at the time — then it did it again. It’s…it’s what this movie does, because I’m not the only one with intimate tales of transformation that happened as a result of seeing it. I don’t know that it’s a phenomenon even meant to be explained, but it’s a powerful and gorgeous metitation on trauma through the lens of a horror film, with elements of noir and fictional-but-realistic-documentary. After you watch it, even as you watch it, buried core-issues that have been terrifying to confront are no longer scary and you can have unprecedented conversations with whomever you need to talk the Real Shit over with and it heals, it really does. It’s wild. I know how effective it is because what’s billed as a Q&A afterwards is actually an epic community discussion/support group from which I’ve been some truly incredible friends and garnered a level of support that feels new to me.
So, my Saturday was that. Then on Sunday morning Ian and I had some Unprecedented Conversations (we’ve been together for 11 years, so that’s saying something) and then we had lunch at a fabulous super-local San Francisco restarant where we ate bison burgers and got far, far more emotionally invested in the Warriors vs. Sacramento Kings came than we expected to be. The community fervor was one of such love and excitement it was infectious, and I finally saw firsthand why Steph Curry matters so much to my former students. Anyone too young to remember the glory days of Jordan (I. am SO GLAD I’M NOT!) can take honorable solace in being young in the age of Steph Curry. At the end of the game, the demolished Sacramento team hugged their opponants in such real and lasting ways that I was pleasantly shocked. “This wasn’t how men were allowed to express their gratitude for each other when we were growing up,” Ian said.
I felt glad to be alive right now, still do.
Then we crossed the Golden Gate and headed to Marin where we went hiking amidst the most beautiful wildflowers I have EVER seen, some of them didn’t look real. In addition to the 3-mile hike, we climbed a wild number of stairs to a view that Ian promised was worth it (and he knows from worth it). I announced that I knew I could do it because John Wick climed all 300 stairs to the Sacre-Coer after being beaten to a pulp and shot. “I have not been beaten or shot so I can do this,” I declared reasonably. I did.
According to my phone I burned thousands of calories so basil fried rice with chicken was in order and along with our main dishes from our most this-is-our-place Thai spot we got this unbelievably spicy Laotion-style papaya salad, which came with raw cabbage and cold vermicelli noodles that turned out to be very necessary to quell the burning. It was painful. and TRULY deliscious.
In the middle of the night my quads and feet were killing me which woke me up, the bright side of which was that the moon sliding behind the night clouds looked astonishing. So I watched it for a while while my lower body screamed and when I finally went to bed I had the weirdest anxiety-erotic dream possible. I won’t share it here even though I’d kinda like to. I could use your support, is the truth of it, with this image in my head all day, but I will only ask for it in this broad sense. Thank you.
When I officially woke up after sleeping through Ian’s alarm and half the coffee-grinding, my arms were sore, so I texted my personal trainer and said oh my god no way in hell can I make the gym this afternoon whoops, though of course he approves of the reasons why.
I took a bubble bath to sooth my muscles and it was effective, wonderfully so. It’s still too cold in San Francisco for Spring, but that doesn’t even matter anymore, because today, I paid our final rent check. And I’m feeling new.
